Letters to my future self

20100726

26th Jul - oh, how so annoying

Such an unpleasant day. Random phone call, stupid request and still had the audacity to hang up on me. Its not like I even report to you anymore. If you need it done, get someone with higher authority to talk to me, your words don't carry weight with me anymore. Also, requests generally sit better than demands, seeing that you're practically asking for help here.

Things like this are draining my energy, makes me wonder why I'm still here. Need to quickly finish up what I had set myself to do and give myself closure, so at least I'm mentally prepared to take off. As much as I hope to at least hang around until November, I'm going to take my chances when opportunities present themselves.

On less frustrating thoughts, I've been wondering if I sometimes take things too seriously or I over weigh the practicality of things/actions. Am I being too rigid and missing out on stuff? I sometimes really do admire my peers at how carefree they seem, how they always seem to be 'living in the moment', yet I'm always worrying about the future. I don't expect there to be a right or wrong answer to this question, but I really do wonder how others think of me, at times...

-out-

20100720

20th July - One step at a time.

Thoughts are so jumbled right now. Maybe I really should go out and take walks more often to clear my head. Sometimes will get caught up with the pace I do things, feels kinda rushed, for what reason, I don't even know.

Need to open a new bank account. As much as I can practice self restrain not to spend too much on needless artifacts, I'd probably feel safer if I lock the money up somewhere. Target is to have a 5 digit sum by the time I'm ready to put the business plan in place, sometime mid to late next year. Cant afford to have any more Gurren Laganns throwing wrenches at my financial plans.

And there's still that question. Everyone I've consulted, seems to agree that I probably shouldn't ask... yet. I can see the logic behind it, but I'm also dying to know the answer. *Anxious!*

-Out-

20100714

14 July - Slow pace of things

I kinda got recognition today for something I did nearly 6 months ago. Getting things done isn't difficult, getting people to notice the amount of work and effort put into it, is something else.

When I 1st embarked on the project, to be honest, I cheated. I assigned all the work given to me to my interns, while I concentrated on a workaround solution that would, when completed, make obsolete the work that they are doing for me. I had no prior knowledge of the language, but I'm somewhat aware of the capabilities of the program, something which I'm thankful for the WoW Rogue community for. They were the 1st people that showed me the usefulness of the program in creating simulations. For 2 weeks, I concentrated on learning the coding, F1 was my best friend. The cogs in my head just kept turning as I seek to find the link between the logic and the code. Despite being told that I'm 'wasting my time', I preserved, I made version 1.0. It didn't stop there, 1 week later, I was still ironing out bugs and made version 1.1. It's currently at v2.3, its grown so much that not only is it doing what it was made to replicate, it's doing it better, in more ways than 1. That, and it gives the user full control over the information and its supporting variables.

Arh, I had so much drive then, so eager to prove myself. Yet no one truly noticed what I was doing, I was merely the engine that was running in the background.

But all that is changed now. I got a chance to present the work and impressed enough to even be given the green light to continue development. In fact this piece of work was probably the sole reason for my pay adjustment last week. It wasn't huge, but at least it puts me on par with what starters are getting.

Kinda understood what the chinese meant by 欲速则不达. When I 1st went all out, nothing came out of it, but now that I'm taking things at my own pace, I'm getting noticed. Weird and quite incomprehensible at times.

The only worry now is, the bigger I make the thing, the more tied down I am to it. It has grown to the point where I'm the only person capable of maintaining it if errors occur, which is not a good thing at all. I'll never be able to truly handover this project to anyone else and as such never be able to move on.

I really hope I'm over thinking this and that the situation in reality isn't as bad as it is...

-out-

20100711

11 Jul - 格格不入

Its not that I don't enjoy it hanging out with the guys, but there just some activities that I don't particularly enjoy doing. 2 hours is about as much as I can take, 3 hours is pushing it and the 4th hour onwards, it's just painful. I don't want to be the wet blanket and call for everyone to wrap up either.

Similarly yesterday, we went all the way down only to make an about turn over a $5 admission fee. Granted, the weather wasn't the most conducive and the lighting as a result also suffers. Still, we took the time to go down and... wait for it... skirt around the surroundings. True that there were still things to see, but geez, there could have been so much more!

Dinner was perhaps the only saving grace, on both days. Saturday's dinner was awesome and a big thank you to the people that made it possible. Slops to me for spilling the drinks over the carpet and myself, apparently the hissing sound from the bottle isn't warning enough. tsk.

I'm not showing it, but I'm still very annoyed at a certain comment made yesterday, very low and very inappropriate! I'm not asking for an apology, but if it happens again, I may just blow up.

Today's dinner wasn't awesome, but it was a relief. Having food in front of me means I'm no longer stuck in that place, annoyed, warm and hungry.

*Sigh* There goes another weekend. Here's wishing future weekends are spent more fruitfully.

-out-

20100708

8th Jul - New plans for the rest of the year

1) 秋.Bar
Cost and break-even analysis needs to be established. To start experiment with flavors once the small machine comes in. Will need to find out if the idea is feasible before proceeding further. The new shop opening in Sep (?) kinda throws a stone at the concept, but we'll see how it goes. If anything, it can be used as reference toward our purpose.

2) Cosplay - Edward Elric
Targeted for AFA (nov) and/or EOY (dec). This gives me about 4-5 months to get everything done. Have already more or less decided on the direction, so here's what needs to be done:

- to tone up slightly, dont need to be muscular, but could use more shape on the left arm
- Wig: to purchase one
- Automail arm: already bought the lion boards during the last trip to Japan, whats left is to complete the drawings necessary and construct the arm. Will also need to find a way to recolor it to the desired shade.
- shirt: Black short sleeve, will have to make or modify from existing if a suitable one cannot be found.
- other accessories: pocket watch. To procure?

Its been 3 yrs since that random silly act of mine, I think I'm back on my feet again. Might be making a trip to Malacca later this year and see if it changes anything. Let's hope I'm not reading the signs wrongly this time...

-out-