20th Dec - Lost

Approaching the end of the year now, yet I cant help but feel I'm back to where I began 4-5 months ago. That same feeling of fear and uncertainty...

I'll be honest, I not going anywhere where I'm at right now. Or at least it doesn't seem so. Everyday at work seems to be just fighting fire or plugging leaks or holding out until a more permanent solution is in place. I don't feel I'm contributing anything significant and I'm not good at marketing myself either, which doesn't help me move higher up the ladder. Case in question is the recent performance appraisal. I wrote so little, my boss ended up writing in additional stuff for me. But I really can't bring myself to rate my performance full marks on every aspect, unlike *some* of my managers.

The plan initially was to hold out until bonus then look out for a new job, preferably something that will help me work towards my goal of starting a business. The 1st round of bonuses won't be until March, which kinda holds back the plan. I'm not sure I want to stay here very much longer, yet at the same time, I'm not sure what I really want in life.

Starting a business is the goal that I'm working towards right now, but is it truly worth the risk? Technically speaking, I could keep going at this job, it'd chip at me slowly, but it does what it needs to do - pay the bills. Is there a real need for me to quit my current one, take a pay cut, put everything on the line and delve into the unknown?

I need someone/something to point me in the right direction...

*sigh*
-out-

11th Dec - Northbound

Made 2 trips up north recently to spend the weekend with my loved one. For some reason both times, something would go wrong somewhere, beyond planning, beyond control. The 1st time round I was meant to go up to surprise her. The 1st hiccup came when I was entering Malaysia - passport wasn't stamped. Then I spent a good 2 hours walking around her neighborhood trying to find her place, getting slightly lost in the process. Going back home, I left a T shirt behind. *sigh*

As in turns out leaving the T shirt behind wasn't such a terrible mistake, since it meant that I could bring 1 less change of clothes up the next time. The 2nd time northbound, I was truly on my own. No more silly mistakes at the custom, even though, upon boarding the bus, I realised that I had left behind a bag of chocolates I'd meant to bring with me, in my rush to leave office. And this time back home, I left my netbook charger behind. *argh*

At the rate I'm going, one of these days, I might actually forget to come home. *tsk*

-out-