5th Jun - <3

29th Mar - Me, my music and the long road ahead...

2 hrs, 26 mins, 32secs. The time it takes to walk from Dhoby Ghaut back home. It's a long walk. But it gave me the time to slowly run through the things that have happened so far.

I'll be honest, life isn't exactly the greatest right now, things are falling apart. Mum's ill, Dad's struggling to deal with the bills. Despite my promotion, work isnt really exciting, the quality of my work is dropping and then there's the whole thing about letting my instincts guide me.

Look where that got me. I'm dishonored, upset my beloved and no doubt will disappoint many more.

What have I done? Who am I? What am I going to do?
I so wish I could cry right now, it might not solve my problems, but at least I might feel a little better.

-out-

4th Jan - New Year resolutions

A few days late, but still going to put them down anyway.

- Career

Will be keeping a look out for change, I'm pretty certain this isn't what I signed up for nor what I want. It may seem too hasty to rush to start up this year, but we'll see. Starting in a neighboring country is a possibility due to lower start up costs and risks (?) but might be difficult to manage due to the distance.

- Investments

NEED to stop making bad investments. Cards is a bad idea, given the current exchange rate and competition and risks. Will need to see if the money in the other account is suitable for other forms of safer investments.

- Family

Hope everything turns out fine for mum. She's been slightly emotional these days due to her pain and probably said some stuff that she didn't really mean, so I really hope the doctors can find out what's bothering her exactly.

Everything else seems to be moving ahead faster than I'd anticipated, I enjoyed the time we spent together, although there are vast areas where I probably can improve on. I'm not too picky with food so I generally leave the meals decision to her, but I probably should take the initiative from time to time. Finding more conversation topics will be great, it's just funny because since young, teachers have been complaining that I've been too talkative and now when I'm not, people are telling me that I should speak more. *heh*

That kind of wraps up my plans for the year, let see how many of them I can fulfill over the next 12 months.

-out-

20th Dec - Lost

Approaching the end of the year now, yet I cant help but feel I'm back to where I began 4-5 months ago. That same feeling of fear and uncertainty...

I'll be honest, I not going anywhere where I'm at right now. Or at least it doesn't seem so. Everyday at work seems to be just fighting fire or plugging leaks or holding out until a more permanent solution is in place. I don't feel I'm contributing anything significant and I'm not good at marketing myself either, which doesn't help me move higher up the ladder. Case in question is the recent performance appraisal. I wrote so little, my boss ended up writing in additional stuff for me. But I really can't bring myself to rate my performance full marks on every aspect, unlike *some* of my managers.

The plan initially was to hold out until bonus then look out for a new job, preferably something that will help me work towards my goal of starting a business. The 1st round of bonuses won't be until March, which kinda holds back the plan. I'm not sure I want to stay here very much longer, yet at the same time, I'm not sure what I really want in life.

Starting a business is the goal that I'm working towards right now, but is it truly worth the risk? Technically speaking, I could keep going at this job, it'd chip at me slowly, but it does what it needs to do - pay the bills. Is there a real need for me to quit my current one, take a pay cut, put everything on the line and delve into the unknown?

I need someone/something to point me in the right direction...

*sigh*
-out-

11th Dec - Northbound

Made 2 trips up north recently to spend the weekend with my loved one. For some reason both times, something would go wrong somewhere, beyond planning, beyond control. The 1st time round I was meant to go up to surprise her. The 1st hiccup came when I was entering Malaysia - passport wasn't stamped. Then I spent a good 2 hours walking around her neighborhood trying to find her place, getting slightly lost in the process. Going back home, I left a T shirt behind. *sigh*

As in turns out leaving the T shirt behind wasn't such a terrible mistake, since it meant that I could bring 1 less change of clothes up the next time. The 2nd time northbound, I was truly on my own. No more silly mistakes at the custom, even though, upon boarding the bus, I realised that I had left behind a bag of chocolates I'd meant to bring with me, in my rush to leave office. And this time back home, I left my netbook charger behind. *argh*

At the rate I'm going, one of these days, I might actually forget to come home. *tsk*

-out-

11 Nov - Just because I know you're reading this...

老婆, 我爱你! <3

-out-

10th Nov - draining

I'm tired. Work here is not all smooth sailing. I'm feeling more and more like a mindless drone these days. I'm just merely executing instructions. What's more frustrating is when I see the managers try to get away with doing stuff and it somehow makes its way onto my lap. My desk is so messy now, I haven't yet have the time to tidy it up properly. My shoulders are stiff, I've lost weight and gained eye bags. Yay, go me.

Sometimes I tell myself that maybe I need a short getaway to clear my head, but I only took a holiday no more than 2 months ago!

*sigh*
-out-