Letters to my future self

Jun 13th - more then jus a simple defeat.

i still havent gotten over that loss yesterday.

its probably been the worse day ever.

to be fair, the day started with a blast. i had to do my monthly citylink sprint as usual, jus to make it in time for the 1st event. at the sealed tables, i got passed the most ridiculous pile of cards ever. 3 money rares and 2 playable rares. the most beautiful curve i have in sealed to date.

i won my 1st game with ease. at the start of the 2nd round, i got deck checked. got a verbal warning for not tallying my cardpool with the registration sheet and made to remove my 31st card cos i didnt register it in my deck, and a 30 card deck is still legal. the hell.... it was an impt card somemore. argh. overconfidence.

subsequently lost my next 2 games cos i lost the die roll. ridiculous. the most broken decks can be jus foiled by 1 broken card..... irony of it all... lose die roll, death by 2 face.

dropped jus before lunch for the constructed event. fielding the new infinite deck, its probably the deck under the spotlight at the moment. figuring that few ppl in singapore will be putting the deck together and playing it, it would stand a very gd chance in the enviroment of robots.

went over to KFC for lunch. had to wait for my banito meal. bah. took the chance to fill in my decklist at the counter.

by the time i got back to the tourney area, round 1 had started. i went over to the front desk and asked.... is it too late to sign up for the constructed event?
well, apparently i still could, but unless i can find another player who was late, i'll be given a game loss. argh. 1 loss in 6 games, which means i can only afford to lose 1 more game. oh well, at least i have time to finish my my banito.

a promise to myself, i would got 5-1. if i would lose to anyone today, it would only be to myself. nv would i expect, at the start of round 2, i got deck chked ... again. WTF.
twice in a day, how unlucky can 1 get..... brrr.

got called up again. recieved a written warning this time, cos i misregistered a couple of cards in my deck. i got 1 set of card names wrongly, had the quantities of 2 cards wrong and didnt register 2 cards. ack.

round 5, i got paired with ben playing the same deck, it fact it was a card for card copy, cos it was a deck borrowed from eugene and eugene took the decklist from me the previous night. it was a tweaked version of the original deck that i took off the net. he was 4-0 at this pt, shd he concede to me, we would be shoo ins for top 8. which was exact wad he proposed. on the condition that we split. which was fine by me, until he made himself clear, i split him if i end in prizes, not both ways. 30%, no more no less. i proposed cash prizes only for the split but he declined, citing that it would be quite dumb if i finished with prizes but with no cash reward. i gave it some thought and agreed, since the mirror match could go both ways and there would be some risk shd i lose this round.

at the end of the swiss rounds, i top the table, 5-1.
by the luck of it, becos i'm 5-1, a 3-3 made it into top 8. that person had to be noel.
i utterly cant describe how i feel abt him with jus words, my hatred for him traces way back at the 1st LOTR territorials. BRRRR.

anyway he was my 1st round opponent. how annoying.
he was playing BOA, a concoction of kengyin's, with some anti light mods.
before he came over to the table, he went over to ask ben wad i was playing and tips against my strategy. it really annoyed me and how is this behaviour different from terry soh?
ben had splits with both him and me, so it didnt matter to ben as to who would make top 4, he would still benefit from it. besides, i'm not a goblin.

game 1, i went slow, going off on 5. he made feeble attempts to try and stop me from going off with a HAB, but i show him the superiority of the deck by putting the dr light activation targetting rama tut on the chain then going off even before the HAB will ever resolve. realising the futility of his efforts, he scooped.

game 2, was the longest game i had in the whole day. i knew he has a single copy of scarlet witch, so it meant that i was put on a clock to win before it hits play, cos if i dont ... thats game. however, despite my massive card draws, i failed to drew a single copy of dr light, nor sonar, which would allow me to teamup. my situation made worse by the fact that he had an assasin initaite out that was throwing shurikens at my valeria. yet i prevented myself from getting killed by scarlet witch by HABing his metropolis twice to prevent his mountain stronghold from fetching that game ending card. by the time i finally drew into dr light, it was perhaps abit too late. he managed to get a 6 drop mystique out, atking and powering up 3 times with lost city in play. i died on turn 7.

7 mins on the clock going into game 3. i have to win fast. opt for odd inits, that way, shd i be able to go off on 3, he wont even be able to play HAB to disrupt my plans. i almost did it on 3. i had all my components except for 1. rama tut, or a signal flare, or a the ring has chosen. despite having played 3 radiations that turn, my deck refused to spit any of those cards out. that even despite the fact that i KO'ed my own valeria to give dr light 3 counters, jus to drew 3 more cards. i could not decide which irritated me more, the fact that i couldnt draw into my combo or the fact that he had to ponder over each of my moves. i promptly lost my devil's due to his HAB on his build. time was called on turn 3. turn 4, his init. i was behind by 1 life, due to an attempt by him to atk my valeria and me moving her into hiding. he made a recruitment of merlyn, put the assasin initiate behind him and an exhausted talia next to the assasin.

i recruited boris twice, both fetching HAB (foiling his attempt to shoot with merlyn then winning me with a diff of 1 endurance), then rama tut who finally decided that he shd make an appearance, in fact i have not 1 but 2 copies in hand. returned a signal flare back to hand. by this time he realised that something was seriously wrong. his merlyn is his only char that can atk. my dr light is 6/7, compared to his 7/7. judging by his looks, he probably doesnt have a powerup for merlyn. so if i manage to powerup, he's screwed. he cant atk my rama tut either. my kristoff would reinforce him and my light will fly in aft his assasin initiate.

he frowns for abit and did some calculations, it was annoying me to hell. i said "y? nv been atked by dr light before issit?". he finally sent his merlyn into my light, i flared, he aimed a HAB at my MTU naming EE and F4, which meant i could not resolve the flare to look for a light. my comment is jus abt to fall flat on my face. i let the HAB resolve. replaced a char. i aimed my own HAB at my doomstat. replaced a char. aimed my last HAB at my last teamup. replaced a char. my flare got me a random idiot, comment fell flat on my face, light stuns, i lose my game and my chance in top 4. all i needed was another teamup, millenium or MTU or a freaking meltdown jus for that 2 endurance.

i am upset, i missed 2 very gd chances thruout this game that could win me the game, but it didnt happen that way. in fact if i even had another turn, the game would be in the bag. turn 5 is my init, all i needed to do is to boris twice for HAB's to protect from merlyn, rama tut fetching back devil's due and i would be able to go off even before scarlet witch can hit play. but no, i didnt have the liberity of having that 1 more turn, jus becos my opponent chooses to take more time to ponder over not only his, but my decisions too.

my fustration could be felt by those around me and i wasnt afraid to voice it out. where is the honor in this victory?! i've lost... not becos of my own mistakes, but to some grey area in the game. this STINKS.

i really felt like crying. this was a game that i wanted to win more than any others, but i have failed to do so. i can only leave my head hanging in shame....

collected my measly 6 packs and a t shirt. went over to ben to pass him the packs that i'm supposed to pass him. he tried to good guy me by telling me "nv la, u keep ur packs". that was jus adding fuel to fires. in my heart, i was screaming " I DONT NEED UR PITY.... U..U... LACKEY OF A GOBLIN!!! " dog of noel, PUI~~~!! i honor my words, 30% so be it. he had to ask me "so.. how many packs is that...?" i couldnt take it anymore, i jus dropped 2 packs onto the table and left. as a matter of fact, i didnt care anymore, he can have all my packs for all i care. i've lost more then jus a game in that defeat...

"only a friend can betray you" i've nv truly understood wad this phrase meant. i finally do. with no trust there can nv be betrayal....

if there was any reason y i did not want to talk abt this, that would be it. but i dont care anymore...

i hate myself.
-out-

*btw, i would like to thank everyone who shared my pain that day and offered their condolences. it made me feel better.... slightly....*